God had a conversation with me this week that I wasn't much wanting to have. He introduced the topic last week at church when a friend, who has lost her son to a drug overdose, asked me if I had forgiven my troubled son. Our class was discussing giving our baggage to Jesus and I had commented that I give it to Him but I take it back every time my boy comes by the house.
Anyway, I thought to myself at the time that, yes, I've done that.
Then God showed me something about my son that brought up just plain hot, bitter anger. My husband invited him over for dinner on Sunday night to talk with him about his plans for the future. My son first called and said he'd be late and then he called and said he was eating pizza at his friends and then he just didn't show up. I should have known already what God was trying to tell me because my son has told me himself but I didn't believe it until now: he likes how he lives. He doesn't want the future we hope for him.
I admit that I was mad at God, too. Praise Him, our sweet Lord, because He knew I was angry and He wanted to talk to me about it. Yesterday in our bible study Beth Moore taught on prayer. Especially the power of it and the never giving up on it and how He is right there just beyond the veil of heaven. I was just overwhelmed with how He spoke right to me: Don't give up on prayer. Don't give up on ME.
I keep looking at my son and what he has done to himself and somewhere in my heart I think I've believed that he's unreachable. Jesus will do the best He can but the boy is not going to cooperate so how much can He affect him? And why doesn't God do something right now?
"If you can?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" Mark 9:23-24
Beth also talked about going to the Wailing Wall and how she pondered what prayers she would offer at this once in a lifetime opportunity. I thought about it and I realized that I would pray the same prayers that I pray everyday for these four children and husband that He has blessed me with. Only perhaps I would pray with more conviction, more hope, more faith.
I think that God wanted to remind me that Jesus intercedes for me; that Jesus prays for me when I don't know the words to pray. He hears His son and He answers Him. I am only waiting to see how God will answer.