Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Help my unbelief

God had a conversation with me this week that I wasn't much wanting to have. He introduced the topic last week at church when a friend, who has lost her son to a drug overdose, asked me if I had forgiven my troubled son. Our class was discussing giving our baggage to Jesus and I had commented that I give it to Him but I take it back every time my boy comes by the house.
Anyway, I thought to myself at the time that, yes, I've done that.
Then God showed me something about my son that brought up just plain hot, bitter anger. My husband invited him over for dinner on Sunday night to talk with him about his plans for the future. My son first called and said he'd be late and then he called and said he was eating pizza at his friends and then he just didn't show up. I should have known already what God was trying to tell me because my son has told me himself but I didn't believe it until now: he likes how he lives. He doesn't want the future we hope for him.
I admit that I was mad at God, too. Praise Him, our sweet Lord, because He knew I was angry and He wanted to talk to me about it. Yesterday in our bible study Beth Moore taught on prayer. Especially the power of it and the never giving up on it and how He is right there just beyond the veil of heaven. I was just overwhelmed with how He spoke right to me: Don't give up on prayer. Don't give up on ME.
I keep looking at my son and what he has done to himself and somewhere in my heart I think I've believed that he's unreachable. Jesus will do the best He can but the boy is not going to cooperate so how much can He affect him? And why doesn't God do something right now?
"If you can?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" Mark 9:23-24
Beth also talked about going to the Wailing Wall and how she pondered what prayers she would offer at this once in a lifetime opportunity. I thought about it and I realized that I would pray the same prayers that I pray everyday for these four children and husband that He has blessed me with. Only perhaps I would pray with more conviction, more hope, more faith.
I think that God wanted to remind me that Jesus intercedes for me; that Jesus prays for me when I don't know the words to pray. He hears His son and He answers Him. I am only waiting to see how God will answer.


Susan said...

This scripture passage is one of my favorites. I cry out to Him regularly using this scripture. He IS working on your son. He is watching over him. And, He's also working on you! That part always takes me awhile to recognize. My heart is aching for you this morning, sweet Kathy. I'm heading down to catch up on my Beth Moore study and I will humbly approach Him about you, your husband and your wonderful four children.

Darla said...

It is so easy to take things back with us after we give it to HIM. But isn't HE so sweet to whisper to us and remind us that HE is for us and not against us. I love that HE cares enough to sit me down and give me that talk. HE knows our disappointment, and HE really does want to carry us through the rough times. We are so blockheaded, huh? Love ya Princess, and keeping you in my prayers

Fran said...

I don't know about your family or your son, but I know that God is AMAZING. My parents and everyone could have given up on me...I bet they did and thought there was no hope for the future they wanted for me. They pressed on in prayer and Jesus took hold of me at the age of 28. I had some very rebellious years as a teenager and in college. I settled down eventually, but it was an ugly, ugly time. Anyway, at the exact right moment and on the verge of just losing it again.....our sweet Jesus put me in the path of just the right person and my life has never been the same.

You pray hard and bold and full of strength. I'll pray for you and your precious family.

Jesus loves him just as much as anyone and He is pursuing him every single day. One step at a time and one day at a time.

Much love,

Susan said...

How is your BELIEF coming along? I've had the opportunity to wallow in my UNbelief this morning and God (mercifully) yanked me back here for a little refresher course. :) I pray that He helps all of us with our unbelief!

He Knows My Name said...

kathy, our hearts are broken for our wayward children but we must never give up. He knows even when we say i give up our hearts really don't want to give up and He knows the desires of our hearts. i need to remind myself of the very fact you pointed out that Jesus intercedes on my behalf and yes i cry out help my unbelief.

blessing to you my sister.