Monday, October 29, 2007

Beauty after the rain

We had our first real beautiful fall day today. The air was so clean and crisp after our rain last week. I took Friday "off" and wrapped up in my blanket, listened to the rain, dozed and watched TV all afternoon. It was a blessed day.
The Lord finished up our conversation on Sunday. Oh! He is too good to me! Our pastor spoke on forgiveness and handed out red ribbons to represent 1) something we wanted forgiveness for or 2) someone we needed to forgive. Then he had placed white ribbons on the alter and before we went to partake of communion, he had us exchange the red for the white. The pastor asked the men as the head of the home to come first. Next, he asked the women as the nurturers and last, the children. What a precious time with the Savior! As Beth Moore often says Hang on until the blessing.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Official movie review

It's a lovely rainy day today. We need it so badly. I have my cup of starbucks and was glancing through the Post when I spied the review for Dan in Real Life. The review said the movie was awful and sugar coated and not "real" at all. Actually, I could see where the reviewer was coming from-but didn't I say it was like an old movie?

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Help my unbelief

God had a conversation with me this week that I wasn't much wanting to have. He introduced the topic last week at church when a friend, who has lost her son to a drug overdose, asked me if I had forgiven my troubled son. Our class was discussing giving our baggage to Jesus and I had commented that I give it to Him but I take it back every time my boy comes by the house.
Anyway, I thought to myself at the time that, yes, I've done that.
Then God showed me something about my son that brought up just plain hot, bitter anger. My husband invited him over for dinner on Sunday night to talk with him about his plans for the future. My son first called and said he'd be late and then he called and said he was eating pizza at his friends and then he just didn't show up. I should have known already what God was trying to tell me because my son has told me himself but I didn't believe it until now: he likes how he lives. He doesn't want the future we hope for him.
I admit that I was mad at God, too. Praise Him, our sweet Lord, because He knew I was angry and He wanted to talk to me about it. Yesterday in our bible study Beth Moore taught on prayer. Especially the power of it and the never giving up on it and how He is right there just beyond the veil of heaven. I was just overwhelmed with how He spoke right to me: Don't give up on prayer. Don't give up on ME.
I keep looking at my son and what he has done to himself and somewhere in my heart I think I've believed that he's unreachable. Jesus will do the best He can but the boy is not going to cooperate so how much can He affect him? And why doesn't God do something right now?
"If you can?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" Mark 9:23-24
Beth also talked about going to the Wailing Wall and how she pondered what prayers she would offer at this once in a lifetime opportunity. I thought about it and I realized that I would pray the same prayers that I pray everyday for these four children and husband that He has blessed me with. Only perhaps I would pray with more conviction, more hope, more faith.
I think that God wanted to remind me that Jesus intercedes for me; that Jesus prays for me when I don't know the words to pray. He hears His son and He answers Him. I am only waiting to see how God will answer.

Alison Krauss-A Living Prayer

Sunday, October 21, 2007

A short lived victory

I found a way to send Youtube videos to my blog and I found one of my son and his girlfriend and I was sooooo proud of myself. But, alas, I discovered they also uploaded a lot of other videos I didn't want on my blog. I had to delete it.
I will keep trying.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Dan in Real Life

I love a good movie. I generally watch TCM because older movies seem to have so much more substance and not so much trashy reality.
Tonight, both my girls are sleeping away and so my beloved and I went to a sneak preview of Dan in Real Life. This movie stars Steve Carell from The Office. We were unsure what to expect as some of his movies are a tad bizarre and have more than a little ugly language. But this movie had a good love story, family values, no bad language, comedic moments and a satisfying ending. We enjoyed it. I give it my highest compliment: This how they used to make a movie.
We also liked the music which is original to the picture. I may get the soundtrack.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Trio Performance in China

video

My daughter and her two friends had the opportunity to perform their trio for the Beijing Polytechnic Institute. She said it was "terrible" but I am very proud of them!

Prodigal me

Today was lesson 5 in A Woman's Heart. I could hardly take it all in, Beth taught so fast and furious. At some point she said that we want to have "a long obedience in the same direction" and that is just what I needed to hear. Somehow the lesson for me became centered around that statement because I am so short in the obedience and sometimes just off center in the direction.
When I look at my life in retrospect I realize I have lived with a secret sin in my life. It's so secret that I kept it from myself and Jesus has decided now is the time for me to deal with it. My life reflects that I doubt God and His love for me. I despise myself enough for it that I pretend to myself that I don't.
The funny thing is, He's shown me over and over in a million ways. Even during the recent years of a dark depression I knew He was leading me through it and for some reason that I cannot fathom, He decided to bring me past it. Yet, at the first sign of trouble I fret and worry and drive myself to distraction...doubting my wondrous savior.
He isn't working an instant miracle in my sons' lives. The truth is, I was only self-righteous in my mothering and not the obedient mother to them I pretended to be. I know He forgives me yet I am doubting He will look beyond my failure and do a wondrous work in their lives.
Ruth Graham said in her book on Prodigals that she realized at some point that she was wanting God to do something in the lives of her sons that she had neglected to ask God to do in her own life. I think I understand what she meant. Beth Moore said in today's lesson that WE ARE IT. We can't sit around and hope that "someone" will be the lamp-WE are to be the light. I think God is saying to me that my hope should not only be for my children; it should be for myself, too.
I love what Beth said on page 107 of A Woman's Heart: Our hearts are prone to wander and tempted to squander our Father's inheritance on the world's cheap amusements. But when our eyes awaken to reality, when we lift our heads above the compromise, and when our stomachs ace for the food of home, a certain Father will always be standing at the gate, ready to prepare a feast for us, waiting anxiously for His prodigal to come home.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Psalm 32

I watched lesson 4 of A woman's Heart on my computer tonight. I took my oldest son back to college last week on my bible study day and missed it and tomorrow is lesson 5. I was stunned when one of Beth's scripture references was Psalm 32. She talked about forgiveness and believing that Jesus has done the work and how we are doubting Him when we keep re-confessing the same old same old. The stunning part was that our pastor preached on the very same scripture on Sunday. I've lived enough to know He's trying to tell me something. Maybe He just sees me leaning over the pit peaking in.
I've spent more time than usual lately with my wayward son. I've confessed all my failure and junk around that relationship to God. But when I'm around my boy and hear his take on his messed up life, I start beating myself up again.
Okay, so maybe I know exactly what He's telling me.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Tagged

I was tagged by Darla. Thanks to her for explaining this to me!

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. tobacco cropper
2. employee at a salad buffet
3. Parent's morning out teacher
4. teacher for the autistic
Four movies I can watch over and over and over:
1. Young Frankenstein
2. Groundhog Day
3. To Kill a Mocking Bird
4. Princess Bride
Four tv shows I like to watch:
1. Law and Order
2. Everybody Loves Raymond
3. Wednesdays with Beth on Life Today
Four places I have vacationed:
1. Capon Springs, WVa
2. Lake Winapasakee(?), New Hampshire
3. Germany
4. LA, California
Four of my favorite dishes:
1. Pasta primavera
2. carnitas crunchy tacos
3. fried shrimp
4. eastern NC pork barbecue
Four websites I visit daily
1. LProof
2. my friend’s blogs
3. email
4. I should visit my own blog daily, but alas, I don't.
Four places I would rather be
1. Heaven
2. the Mountains by a river
3. Capon Springs
4. my mama's house
Four bloggers I am tagging
1. Profbaugh
2. Not that Girl, This Girl
3. Three Men and a Mom
4. Jesus Girl
It is all about your hubby/man! (HUBS)
1. Who is your man? Doug
2. How long and you been together? 26 years
3. How long did you date? 6 weeks before he proposed. 11 months until we married.
4. How old is your man? 52
5. Who eats more? I try to let him.
6. Who said I love you first? He did.
7. Who is taller? He is.
8. Who sings better? He does!
9. Who is smarter? He is.
10. Whose temper is worse? mine
11. Who does the laundry? Me. I need to contribute to the relationship!
12. Who takes out the trash? Mostly me but sometimes he does.
13. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? He does.
14. Who pays the bills? Me
15. Who is better with the computer? He is.
16. Who mows the lawn? The lawn service.
17. Who cooks dinner? Me or the restaurant.
18. Who drives when you are together? He does.
19. Who is the most stubborn? Me
20. Whose parents do you like the most? Well, I like everyone the same. HAHAHA
21. Who kissed who first? We mutually decided we wanted to kiss. Our first joint decision.
22. Who asked out who? Doug asked me.
23. Who proposed? He did.
24. Who has more friends? We're about equal;each with a few close friends.
25. Who has more siblings? He does, with 4. I only have 2 brothers.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Oh, I am SO GLAD to be HOME! It has taken a good week and a half to get myself back together after our China trip. I was in lala land the first few days back, falling asleep at inoportune moments during the day. My house is a mess with suitcases blown open all over the bedrooms and I had all kinds of errands last week that kept me out of the house. But today I cleaned like a fiend and now our bedroom is serene again and our suitcases are stowed for later adventures. Tomorrow I tackle the girls' rooms-but today I had success as a homemaker.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Weary

So many things seem to be piling up. I need to get on my knees and stay there so that I don't fall back into that dark hole called depression. Jet lag and that woman's time have me emotionally zapped. My 16 year old daughter pulled a wear one thing to school and come home wearing another less appropriate item on me.
What really has me by the heart is my 19 year old son. I spent the morning with him. He lost his car keys and couldn't get his car home from the parking lot of his job. He'd left the car there all night which didn't make my husband happy. Since my son doesn't have a phone, I had to drive over with the spare. In the meantime my son found his keys. We went and made more copies of his keys; I bought him some food. He came home to get his laundry and then he dumped all his troubles with his girl on me. They each have a drug and alcohol problem but his story is that she's the one with the problem. I tried to say the right things but I don't want to just say the right thing. I want to say the thing that will change his heart and God isn't giving me those words. And then at the end of the conversation he told me he was worried about his boss thinking he was taking money from the safe. I wish more than anything I believed him when he said he wasn't. But I don't. I'm asking God to reveal the truth to his boss and I'm asking Him to help me accept whatever that is.
For the first time in ages, we are all six going away as a family this weekend to Capon Springs. I want to be glad that my 19 year old son is coming with us but I know it means that all the heartache will be there too. This burden makes me so weary. I keep giving it to the Lord; it just keeps coming back.