Thursday, October 30, 2008


God had a message for me yesterday at the hairdressers. My hairdresser asked me how my kids were doing and I started telling her how S had moved back home. She began telling me about a client she has who discovered that her son had issues because he walked too early.
And I sat there.
Then she told me about a client whose 30 year old son had moved back home, rent free and was traveling and enjoying himself thinking that his mom was okay with it while the mom, also her client, had told her that she was going to have to ask him to pay rent.
And I sat there.
And finally she told me about a client she has that is a fortune teller. She was quite serious as she said "You should see him. Maybe he can help you out."
And still, I sat there.
In the car on the way home I felt so disappointed in myself that I didn't speak up and say "I have confidence that the Lord is working in my son." I wondered what I had said to her that made her think I was soliciting advice and then the Lord showed me that the whole of what I said about my situation with my son implied that I had no confidence in Him whatsoever. I sounded like all the other clients she has: I have a problem and I don't know what to do-even though that isn't what I said. It's how I said what I did say and of course, what I didn't say.
Do everything without grumbling and complaining. It's an instruction that I haven't followed. When people see me they don't see my faith at all because I'm too busy grumbling and complaining along with the rest of world.
How will others see the Lord in my life if my presentation of what is going on in it is the same as those who don't know Him?

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Menopause Parking by Chonda Pierce

Chonda says things so well. She's my hero.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Daddy isn't going to be able to go home as hoped. He just can't stand without assistance since the stroke. The plan now is to move to a rehabilitation facility closer to his house for a few weeks and see if he can make enough progress to be cared for at home. The ironic thing is, he came through the by-pass surgery with flying colors.
My prayer is that he can come home and spend his later days on the land where he where he was born, raised and lived all his life.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

His mysterious ways

L left the audition feeling very disappointed and let down. After all the build up and excitement, she didn't like the very modern style of jazz at Point Park. She made herself finish the audition but she didn't want to stay for the tour. She just wanted to go home.
I was quite amazed. Of all the possible scenarios, this wasn't one I had envisioned.
So now, we are back on the hunt for where to go to school. I'm hoping for a Virginia school: in-state tuition!
S appeared on our doorstep Sunday night. He claims it's over with he and his girlfriend but I suspect he's just tired of hearing her tell him to GET A JOB. We've let him spend the last few nights here but he needs to GET A JOB. I feel like we're right back where we were when he graduated from high school. He doesn't know what to do, he says. So he does nothing. Plays video games and watches t.v. All his stuff is at her parent's house and I'm pretty sure we aren't letting him bring it here unless he has a plan like GET A JOB.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Audition time

Tomorrow we're loading up the car and heading up to Pittsburgh ( ) for L's audition on Friday. She's come around in her thinking and has a good perspective about it. She is, I think, prepared to do her best and accept the outcome.
The outcome for me is the same, no matter what happens at this particular audition. She'll be leaving home.

Monday, October 13, 2008

I left Friday for Capon Springs feeling overwhelmed and stressed out. I came home today feeling at peace and relieved. The weather was beautiful; the friends, comforting. The entire weekend served to restore my spirits. God is good to me, a silly woman who flies off in a flurry of fear at the first sign of trouble.

Friday, October 10, 2008

In a few hours, we're off to Capon Springs for a weekend of rest, relaxation and fellowship with friends. We're staying in the main house which I love in the fall. This weekend, however, the weather report indicates that it's going to be warm, probably too warm for a fire in the fireplace. It won't matter, though, because it's Capon and not much stresses me there!
We'll get there in time for bingo tonight. I hope I win some cookies.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

mini meltdown

uhh. I saw the glaucoma doc again today. The drops aren't working and I have to switch to some new ones. She did the visual field test and I have a blind spot in my left eye. She also showed me the photos of my optic nerves; the right eye being healthy and the left eye...not.
So I'm doing okay with this I think and then I get the new medicine, some kind of beta-blocker and I'm reading the precautions which include: You may need to stop taking this medication a few days before surgery. This warning brings to mind that the results from my unpleasant test at the gyn's merits a minor surgery to rule out anything more serious. I've never had to be put to sleep before. I don't want any kind of surgery, minor or otherwise and I've successfully put it out of my mind until this label on the eye drops insert.
I called my mama and boohooed.
I feel better.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Going down to NC and visit daddy in the hospital in Greenville. He had a double by-pass on Wednesday after a mild heart attack on Saturday night. Of course, he waited until late Sunday afternoon to tell his wife that he thought something had "gone wrong" the night before. He's stubborn about going to the doctor; I've inherited some of his fears so even though he frustrates me about it, I understand. For now, the doctors say he's recovering well.
L doesn't want to go with us. She's going to miss seeing her friends. I believe this is a choice she has to make herself and so she told me she was going to spend the night with her friend while we were gone. I told her I was disappointed. Grandpa is family and is facing the end of his days. We have fewer and fewer times with him but ultimately, she has to live with her decision.
S, who is without a job and has the time to come with us, can't because his girlfriend won't drive herself into DC to her job and the train doesn't run on the weekend and her parents are out of town so he has to drive her. J hasn't been able to find time to call him. SK is still young enough to do as we say.
All of it makes me wonder what my grandchildren will feel about visiting me when I'm sick, or well for that matter. I don't want to be a parent that stops investing in my family as they grow up and into their own lives. I pray I can be a blessing to my grandchildren and someone they want to be with.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008