Thursday, April 14, 2011

This past week has been chilly and rainy and my mood has matched.  My body has been stiff and achy and I have gotten out of bed at 5:30 am to take my baby to the bus and returned home to crawl right back under the covers for a few more hours.
My mama is losing her job.  At 72, it's no big surprise and yet, she is not prepared.  For three days I've been on the phone with my oldest brother listening to him panic about what's going to happen or not happen, with mama.   He's going to have to sell his cabin and he's having troubles with his partner.  He's teetering on the edge and mama is looking to him to make sure her life stays the same-or so he thinks. All this talk about mama brings to the fore my own stuffed down anger with my mama and that leads to daddy;  then to daddy's wife.  Before I know it,  I'm just plain old mad and depressed.
The rainy days, dreary mood and conversations with him have raked up lots of negative nastys.  I need the respite of a good hour or so with the Lord.  I need to get back to my time with Him.  I laid aside my bible, bible studies and church when daddy died.  It felt like too much effort to seek God out.  I feel the weight of all my circumstances falling only on me.   I've had too much of the rain and as always, God sends the sun.  He calls me back.  He reminds me that He's there holding the umbrella and handing out rain boots.