Thursday, June 30, 2011

Somewhere I read:  A mother is only as happy as her unhappiest child.  I'm finding that phrase to be true in my own life.  I'm trying hard to enjoy my home and family and friends, but always there is a film-sometimes darker than others-a film of sorrow, worry, and grief.  I think it must be like this when you've lost a child to death; always part of you unavailable for life.

I think it is important for me to be thankful that my son is alive.  Every day that he is alive I can have hope that God will pull him from the abyss of addiction that he dwells in.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

I had a phone call from my oldest son whose living in California trying to "make it" as an actor.  He asked me to pray for him that he would get some money or acting work.  I don't know whether to be happy or sad over that request.  He's made it clear that he isn't buying into Jesus and he isn't 100 percent on God.  I think that he thinks that he can live off of my faith as a kind of insurance policy.   Asking me to pray doesn't take any commitment on his part and who knows, maybe God will answer.
I recognize in my son the idea that God can't possibly help me do what I want to do for ME-God only helps people accomplish things that are noble and good.  This idea has kept me from pursuing many of my own interests, even though I don't do anything noble or good in their stead.   I refuse to live abundantly because how I want to spend my time seems frivolous.
I think I better pray for both of us to accept God's blessings and encouragement.