Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Under control

Two notable things happened yesterday that reminded me how much Jesus loves me.
First, we received a postcard from London where my oldest son's girlfriend is traveling for the summer. Initially, I found the girlfriend disrespectful and obnoxious and I didn't much like how my son acted when he was around her. I voiced my concerns-not too delicately I'm afraid-and wonder of wonders, after a little pouting the two came to accept the rules of visitation. As a cautionary trial, we allowed her to stay here for a few days before leaving for London because she couldn't afford to fly home. I discovered how much she seems to care about my son (always a plus for the mom) and actually enjoyed having her around. The whole son -having- a- girlfriend thing has been complicated for me and I've had to pray about my attitude a lot. Her postcard was warm, quirky and thoughtful and I guess a reminder to me that God has my son's life under control no matter how it looks to me.
Secondly, son number two came by the house after work and sat outside with his dad. After joining them briefly, I went upstairs to bed and left the bulk of the conversation to the two of them. My husband reported that the conversation went pretty well. My son hasn't had the prayed for breakthrough over his destructive behavior but there were inklings that he's beginning to get a clue. He's looking for a better paying job; he's looking for a cheaper place to stay. I guess most importantly, he acknowledged and apologized for the lying he did to us when he was still living at home. His girlfriend had consistently lied to him and because of that they've broken up. He said " I know how much it hurts to have someone you love lie to you all the time." My husband told him "Yes, it does. But we still love you." My son replied "Yeah, you guys are better than a girlfriend because you do still love me." God's reminder to me that He has my son's life under control no matter how it looks to me.
This week in my bible study (Beth Moore's The Beloved Disciple) the author asked: "If I am never greatly used by God in a way that I deem significant, can I still believe that I am loved like the apple of His eye? Do we believe that He proves His love by His blatant use of us?" I realized that I have measured my success as a mom by my sons' behaviors and felt I had failed my family and my God. How could He love me when I've failed so miserably at the one job He gave me to do? I'm beginning to hear Him say that He does love me-He loves them-no matter how circumstances look. I'm learning to trust Him more and more with my life and with theirs.


Darla said...

Oh how God loves you and uses you! I am so sure of that, HE just doesn't always let us see what HE is doing in and through us to the ones we love. (maybe because I will get a big head and think I have really done something on my own.) I am realizing that my job to raise my children is just more difficult since they can make their own choices... Praying for yours and mine to make some good choices..and pick Jesus. Loved your post...it is so real to me...we all seem to struggle with it.

Jan said...

What a testimony. I feel the same way many times. My two sons are so precious to me--and I always seem to judge my job as their mom by their behaviors.What a setup for disappointment, amen? And yet it is also a huge setup for pride!
I will pray for you and your sons.
I am so glad that God is sovereign aren't you?
Believing in the power of prayer!