Thursday, March 5, 2009

Actions speak louder

I spin around in circles listening to people's advice about S. But every now and then, I have a moment of clarity. Today was one of those days and in talking with my husband, he's had his moment of clarity, too.
Sunday I wasn't feeling well and decided to leave with S after church instead of staying for class after. S and I had quite the conversation where he said so many of the right things and I just listened and thought that maybe something's getting in. Pretty much since then he's continued to stay up all night and lay around all day unless I wake him up and tell him something to do. After the conversation on Sunday, I expected at least a minimal attempt to do something different-or did I?
Anyway. I heard him go out this morning at 4:30 am and I found an empty tequila bottle in the bathroom under the sink and he was wearing the same clothes since Monday and was asleep on the couch when he got a phone call. The phone call was from a girl that he promised he'd give a ride to work to in exchange for her recommending him for busboy or something.
S doesn't have a car. We let him use our van. Unfortunately for S and his friend, L has the van because her car is in the shop, something S didn't know because he just assumed he could use our car whenever the mood strikes. And as he stood there in front of me in his nasty clothes with his bloodshot eyes telling me he was going to go look for a job except he forgot L was going to have the van-I had the moment of seeing ourselves loud and clear.
I said, and it is quite unchristian, "Bullshit. You are full of it. You say all the right things in just the right way but you should know; I may look like it's convincing me of something but what I am really doing is watching what you are doing. I'm really saying to myself 'here he goes again with the bullshit'. And I'm convinced more and more that what you say is crap because you don't DO anything different.".
The time has come, even though it breaks my heart AGAIN, that he has to leave. I called my husband and told him that S has to do something different or he's out at 21which is May 13. My husband said that he had come to a conclusion and that was that S had had since October to redo and he hasn't redone. He's only talked about redoing so my husband is going to tell him he's moving out on his birthday regardless of what he's doing and especially, regardless of what he's saying. My husband said that it was time that we spoke with our actions because just like what S has been saying to us is meaningless, apparently what we've been saying to him is meaningless as well.
It really doesn't matter anymore how much we love him.


He Knows My Name said...

Kathy, I know you are in great pain over this. Let's hope this wakes him up. I'm praying with you over S.

hugs, janel

Susan said...

Kathy, I wish I could tell you how much you and S and hubs are on my heart lately in especially in my prayers. can children raised in the same household with the same rules given the same love...turn out to be so different from each other?

While going through this time of rebellion from Sarah (with Sarah?) I find myself looking at her and listening to what she says and watching her actions to gauge whether or not I believe her. And even when I do believe her, I know she could go right back to lying, skipping class, the blink of an eye.

I appreciate your honesty when you write about your struggles with S.

Continuing to pray for you guys.

Love, Susan

nancygrayce said...

My heart breaks for you. As I've said before my son is 38 and still having the same problems. It's like groundhog day....same thing, different day. I keep thinking if I had drawn the line when he was 19, or 20, or 21, maybe he would have turned around. So stick to your guns and bind yourself tight with your husband on this. I am praying! Even though I haven't seen my own son turn around, I know God can do whatever He wants with him.