Monday, January 7, 2008

Mama ramblings

We took my oldest back to school on Sunday evening. He's starting his last semester at UVA. He's excited, but also apprehensive about starting out there in the big bad world. I expressed my confidence in God's provision for him and he just smiled and said not a thing. He's tasted the forbidden fruit and isn't at all sure he wants to give it up for faith.
I have to be careful not to measure where he, or any one of my children, is with God based on outward appearances. If anyone had measured my faith at 22 based on my behavior, I'm pretty confident they would have found me lacking.
It's easier to see God working in my second son's life. My boy has demonstrated so completely how unable he feels to move forward that any movement, and there has been some, has to be coming from the Lord. I don't know where he is with the drug use. I still see evidence that it's a problem and until he deals with it, I'm not sure his steps to go to school will do much for him. I am trusting God's provision for him and just keep praying.
My elder daughter is becoming more and more stressed and difficult about college. She doesn't know where to she wants to go and bases her opinions about schools on what her friends say. My suggestions are met with disdain simply because they come from me. My husband and I picked a weekend in April to do visits and signed her up to take tours at three liberal arts schools that have theatre/dance programs. She's willing to go but is not very enthusiastic. Happily for me, we've done this once already and I don't take it as personally as I did with kid #1. I'm trusting God and keeping on praying. I know that He will lead her to just the right place for her.
The youngest is facing life alone with mom and dad in just over a year. She'll be starting high school as her big sister goes off to college. It's going to be interesting to see how the three of us do. I'm waiting on the Lord for where she's going to high school. She's in a small k-8 private school for the last year and a half because public school is too overwhelming for her. Right now, the options aren't all that great but we still have some time for something to come to the front.
Last year at this time, we were a different kind of family; I was a different kind of mom. The Lord has done some hard, painful work in us and in me but it has been worth it. I do hope this year is a gentler one but somehow with all the big changes coming up, I doubt it.


Susan said...

Oh, Kathy. It was so funny that I just came here to check on you and you are posting about colleges! Russell and I just spent the last 2.5 hours with our oldest getting him signed into his e-mail account and other things at Longwood. He's been accepted there, Bridgewater & Shenandoah. His first choice is Christopher Newport. He is wait-listed there. Hopefully, his first semester grades will be enough for an acceptance. Otherwise, he'll be heading to Farmville for (at least) his first year in the fall.

And then we sat down with the girl...she's a junior in high school this year. She's finally interested in colleges and working on bringing her GPA up. Her high school coach is making noises about her playing volleyball in college and I think she is finally beginning to believe she can 1) not only go to college but 2) maybe play volleyball in college! So we just set up a prospective student account for her at West Virginia Univ. She's a shorty...only 5'6" but is an outside hitter. She's good, but not tall enough to play a single A team. Their outside hitters start around 5'10". But maybe a 2AA team would give her some scholarship $$ to play. If not 3AAA (no scholarship $$) but still able to play.
My point is, Kathy, I was so frustrated with My Girl and all that we've gone thru with her and now she...on her own? with God's help? has been pulling it all together. I had finally just backed off and decided, "what is the worst thing that will happen? She might go to community college for a year or two."
I didn't realize your oldest is at UVA! We have two nephews at Va Tech, but we know lots of kids that are at UVA. What is his major?
In any case, hang in there sweetie...God IS in control...with all four of your children (and mine...I tend to forget it, too).
Love ya.
P.S. I'm off to bible study...Stepping Up by Beth Moore. Can't wait! How are you and David coming along??? What day are you on?

Fran said...

Kathy....Its easy for me to say this for two reasons....

1. I don't have older children yet so I don't know how life feels when they are older....and,

2. I'm on the other side of a life that should have ended before the age of 24 and survived many years of self,

My prayer for all of us is to be patient. Patience is something I am not gifted with and I know when I've received it that its straight from God! :) So, I know you pray for your children all the time. We have desires and plans for them. But, God loves them way more than we do and He definately wants things far better than we could ever imagine.

Give them over to Him daily. Pray for their lives, their decisions, their hearts and their minds.

God will get them to that sweet place that we know with Him....sooner or later....hard or easy....eventually His will be done.

I'm proof that He is ever so patient and will do WHATEVER IT TAKES to bring me to Him. I'm amazed on what we have been through. I'm more amazed at my relationship with my parents after what I put them through. God is precious and perfect and wonderful and has a plan that is beyond our wildest dreams.

Ok....I've rambled. Sorry. I hope I encouraged you. You are a fabulous momma. Keep your sweet heart on Jesus. He's got your back! :)

North Carolina Gran'Ma said...

I read your post on Cheryl's blog....enjoyed it so I wanted to check our your blog.....I too have struggled with "attitude issues" this past year and am still working on friend commented to me just yesterday that Satan is really out there trying to steal our joy....and he's been working definitely on me! This year I'm truly working on getting my relationship back where God wants it with Him....Thank God He never leaves us and loves us so much He puts up with us (but doesn't mind reminding us that He is to be in control of our lives!!)
Thank you for sharing...

He Knows My Name said...

kathy, i'm so glad i stopped in. you really gave me a dose of what i needed. i loved your sentence "if anyone ha measured my faith at 22 based on my behavior, i'm pretty confident they would have found me lacking" exactly true of me. i need that one plastered on my forehead/frig/bathroom mirror/dashboard of my car. just what this mom needed tonight.

much love ~janel

p.s. go to meditations and musings at for her post on an article in decision magazine. it is an article by abraham piper. let me know your thoughts. i'm confused myself.