We took my oldest back to school on Sunday evening. He's starting his last semester at UVA. He's excited, but also apprehensive about starting out there in the big bad world. I expressed my confidence in God's provision for him and he just smiled and said not a thing. He's tasted the forbidden fruit and isn't at all sure he wants to give it up for faith.
I have to be careful not to measure where he, or any one of my children, is with God based on outward appearances. If anyone had measured my faith at 22 based on my behavior, I'm pretty confident they would have found me lacking.
It's easier to see God working in my second son's life. My boy has demonstrated so completely how unable he feels to move forward that any movement, and there has been some, has to be coming from the Lord. I don't know where he is with the drug use. I still see evidence that it's a problem and until he deals with it, I'm not sure his steps to go to school will do much for him. I am trusting God's provision for him and just keep praying.
My elder daughter is becoming more and more stressed and difficult about college. She doesn't know where to she wants to go and bases her opinions about schools on what her friends say. My suggestions are met with disdain simply because they come from me. My husband and I picked a weekend in April to do visits and signed her up to take tours at three liberal arts schools that have theatre/dance programs. She's willing to go but is not very enthusiastic. Happily for me, we've done this once already and I don't take it as personally as I did with kid #1. I'm trusting God and keeping on praying. I know that He will lead her to just the right place for her.
The youngest is facing life alone with mom and dad in just over a year. She'll be starting high school as her big sister goes off to college. It's going to be interesting to see how the three of us do. I'm waiting on the Lord for where she's going to high school. She's in a small k-8 private school for the last year and a half because public school is too overwhelming for her. Right now, the options aren't all that great but we still have some time for something to come to the front.
Last year at this time, we were a different kind of family; I was a different kind of mom. The Lord has done some hard, painful work in us and in me but it has been worth it. I do hope this year is a gentler one but somehow with all the big changes coming up, I doubt it.