Monday, September 19, 2011

My blog is like a lot of other things in my life, only halfway invested in.  I start something and then I loose steam for various reasons and find myself back in my own little corner.

I had lunch with my son today.  He's created a mess with his car insurance; ignoring the notices that said it was time to pay up.  My husband told him a million times that he would pay it for him and son ignored it.  So the DMV will take his license and his tags if he doesn't have insurance and my husband said he was done offering his help.  Enter Mom, me, pushover queen.  I got on the phone and paid the insurance and arranged for the form that has to done because I can't have him loose his car and then his job.

He wants to live at home so he will have money to "have fun".  I told him that the prodigal son returned home when he was ready to accept the life his father had for him.  Not because he wanted to have more "fun".

I know my son is an addict; whether to drugs or alcohol.  And at the moment, being high on substances is how he wants to live.  Day by day and bit by bit I am letting go of my hopes for him.  I am letting go of my addiction to "helping" him. 


Susan said...

I haven't blogged in ages.

Your pain makes my heart hurt.

Your boy is so handsome.

Of course you want to help him. Thinking "this time it will make a difference."

Praying that one time VERY SOON you will make a difference. But he has to figure that out.


Liz it is! said...

Wow! I really know how you feel even though I am not a mother.
Good luck, and never lose hope or faith!

Loree said...

I will pray for your strenght, and also for your son :)

nancygrayce said...

Slowly, you will come to a point where you say I'm done. Not loving, never loving, never concerned, just giving. Money. It took me a long, long time, but I had to stop.

I'm praying for you and your son. This is a road too many parents are on and all of us want to take a major detour.

He Knows My Name said...

I am in your shoes too Kathy. When did life get so hard? It just slipped in...I want to go back. Sending you a cyper hug just know you are not alone.

Margie said...

praying for you and your son! There is hope in Christ!

Prishinko said...

I’m keeping you in my prayers. I don’t have experience being a parent and don’t know how hard this might be for you and your husband. I know that you should give up. My parents haven’t given up on my sister even though it has been a long time they should have been. They could have thrown her out when she came back home, told her to go live under a bridge or something, but they willing took her back , gave her everything. Slowly very slowly she starts to change. All of the addiction she had is drifting away. I believe if you show the sign that your giving up, your son won’t change. He will suse another excuse to do more.. God hasn’t given up on you or me, maybe he was waiting and still waiting for us to change or grow more but were are still like toddlers learning how too. We always know He’ll be there thought. Keep on praying he will change and don’t give up, you will see the change soon enough…. I’m still praying for my family and it has been years and its only a day at a time that you see the change or wont for months.

nancygrayce said...

Hey! It was good to hear from you!!! I can't find an email address on your site, so I'll just tell you here!

Pastor Gary Taylor said...

I just found your blog today either by accident, serrendipity, or God's hand (you choose). My daughter is an alcoholic in the beginning stages of recovery. I, like you, want to protect her and help her. Even though we knew better, my wife and I paid her car insurance, cable bill, and rent when she got behind. Then in June she got a DWI (.23 blood alcohol)and spent 2 nights in jail. While we are still helping her in her sobriety I am slowly learning, through Al-Anon, that when she fails she will have to suffer the consequences herself as much as it hurts us not to help. If your son is living at home, set reasonable boundries for him with the stipulation that if he violates those boundries he chooses to leave. This will help you to keep your sanity around the monster of alcoholism and drug abuse. You and your husband should find an Al-Anon or Families Anonymous meeting. Good luck and God be with you.