Thursday, November 11, 2010

     I miss the days when mothering was simple.  I felt important and wise and, to some degree, I was.  My present day mothering of  young adult children, who are living with life changing stresses, alternates between them clinging to me in that loving, nostalgic way and punches that knock me to my knees.  As they stumble around and attempt to make their own separate lives, I stand at the ready to assist but all too frequently I am knocked to the ground and chastised for my failure to make everything work out exactly as they wish.
     My offspring don't seem to realize that I am living with life changing stress, too.  It feels as if they believe their father and I have finished with any living of our own.  Our feelings, needs, hopes and dreams are inconsequential to any of theirs.  I suppose their attitude comes from so many years of letting my children be the culmination of all I hoped for as a young girl.  I wanted nothing more than to be a wife and mother; to have a family of my own with which to live.  The problem is that having a family is not a feat to be accomplished;  it is a way of living.  Only lately it feels more like a boxing match where I spend most of my time unconscious on the mat.
 But I am starting to learn how to box;  to keep my head down and heart protected; to avoid the quick jabs ands punches that come my way.  And when I get hit square and fall to the mat, I'm learning how to get back up again.


nancygrayce said...

That was beautiful writing! And absolutely so true! I don't think our children do know that we are individuals with feelings and needs until they have teenagers of their own. And even then, if they're caught up in the alcohol/drug lifestyle they don't because they don't even know their own children have those needs.

I actually thought......and this is no lie.....that my children would just grow up and be great kids because I loved them so much.

You just keep that punching area covered! I pray that one day they will know how much you really mean to them!

Thanks for the advice about the red. I hadn't even thought about how it would reflect my face! :) I think I'll just keep the grey flow throughout the bedroom and bath. Wonder how that will make me look!!!

God's blessing on you!!!!

thouartloosed said...

How true, Nancy: I actually thought that my children would just grow up and be great kids because I loved them so much.
I thought that, too. It's hard to realize that love is not enough.